Off the wagon

I "fell off the wagon" as it were on my Morning Routine. This morning I managed to get up at 5am. I got up, and proceeded to do nothing. I sat for 1/2hr doing virtually nothing, saying some prayers & read an email devotional. Now I've turned on my soap and am typing in my blog. Not exactly how I planned my routine. Oh well. At least I got up. I think I'm stuck on the excercise part. I keep avoiding it. So tomorrow, I'm going to try to get up at 5am again, & I'm going to go strait to worship, bible study & prayer. I never had a problem with that part. Even if that is all I get done that is okay. Maybe I can try to excercise in the afternoon 1st thing when I get home? It's worth a try.

Epiphany!

I realized something today. I have hit a road block in making progress with my Flylady routines. I've been trying to not beat myself up over it and give myself time to adjust to where I am it.

That's fine.

What I realized today is, I may not be making progress on my Flylady routines right now, but I am making mad progress on my new Maximize Your Mornings routines.

My new efforts in the morning area are massive. It is major changes in my life. I may not have made much progress in the Flylady changes since I started it, but I have been making major changes to my mornings! I can not expect to make changes in all areas at once. Flylady says Babysteps. And right now my Babysteps are Maximizing my mornings so I can start my days off right with the Lord. It makes much sense and I am okay with it now.

So that is that.

Yesterday thanks to Adam I actually got to bed early (on time). Tonight I have to try do the same. I feel so much when I get an appropriate amount of sleep.

Anyways I love you. I love the Loard. Lord, thank You for the people in my life that test me. It's easy to charitable towards lovely people. But you want me to be charitable to everyone, even my ultra-negative coworker. She teaches me to be patient, forgiving, compassionate and much more.

9pm time to hit the hay are try to get into it.
Night!

Where was I?

I have not made a post since . . . last Thursday? Friday I was enjoying Adam being home (and had an evening meeting for church) and Saturday our internet went out due to a big snow storm. We finally got it back today.

I've really been stuck on babystep #10. 15min declutter. I don't know why it's so hard for me to do. I have paused on moving forward on the babysteps until I can master this. Now don't get me wrong! I'm going to continue to practice what I've been practicing. And I will do the 15min declutter. I'm going to have to try different times of the day or something.

I'm doing better since Wednesday. I'm tried, getting up earlier. Adding Worship & prayer to my morning routine. I want... I want... I don't know what I want. I think I need to go to bed. 5:30am comes very early.

Thank you Lord for your many mercies & the grace you pour out on me everyday. Thank you for the blessings you shower on me and my family. May yours be the glory and honor and praise. Amen

Wallowing In Misery

Today I chose to wallow in misery. The only nice thing I can say about myself is I think I was careful not to take it out on anybody, including my kids, coworkers or husband. I woke up still injured from yesterday between my husband and my coworkers. I did not want to face the day, but face the day I did.

This morning I got up for God, because I surely wanted to stay in bed all day.

I wanted to say mean and spiteful things to my coworkers to let them know exactly how injured I felt by there "comments" yesterday during the office meeting. I almost wanted to tell my husband not to bother to come home since obviously shooting a deer that is not going to happen is more important then being a productive member of this household.

I did not do any of these things. I was pleasant and receptive to my coworkers and when my husband called to say he was coming home I said "Ok".

I cried on the way to work and on the way home, but I did not cry at work which is a blessing. I do not believe I took any of my miserableness out on the kids at all either, something to be thankful for.

I really hate it when other people take their bad mood out on others, so I couldn't really do it myself coud I?

I still don't feel ready to be over it, but I really need to be. There is nothing more to be done about it. I am only torturing myself and will end up hurting people I do not mean to hurt.

I should go to bed. A good night sleep might help. I want to move my clock back a little bit more tonight. I actually read 2-3 chapters in my Bible this morning. I need to get up early enought to include exercise & worship time also. I really am afraid I might have to get up as early as 5am to get all of that done before I need to go to work, but we'll see, adjustments can always be made.

Good night. Blessing on you all. God loves you.

The high point of today? A flat tire.

So today, on the way to work I got a flat tire. I was between towns so had no idea who to call to help, so I said a pray asking God to give me the strength to change it myself. I did, and was pretty proud of myself. Little did I know that was going to be the best part of my day. Yes it went downhill from there.

My husband is on a hunting trip. He left Friday evening, and was hoping to be home by this evening so he could go to my best friend's birthday dinner (I was unavailable to go because Wednesday I have an AWANA commitment.) I always knew that there was the possibility that he would stay past today, but I don't think I really acknowledged it. I had myself prepared to do without him till today and that was fine. Well, he hasn't shot a deer yet so he's not coming home yet. I'm crushed. I miss him so much! Yes there are things I would like him to help me with that I would rather not wait (like get my tire fixed because driving on a donut spare is a pain) but I would rather have him home then have those things done. But he's not coming home. Maybe he can try to be home Friday. I don't think that he realizes that us not seeing him for a week is a big deal to us.

Today at work we had our monthly operations meeting. Normally I enjoy these meetings. Little did I know going into today's meeting was that my coworkers had been saving up to address what I was not doing or not doing right. One of my coworkers will be gone January & February on maternity leave and we will all be pitching in to cover. This is a position I stepped down from 4-5 years ago because I couldn't stand it anymore, & have had very little to do with it for the past 3 years when the most recent replacement was hired. Not to mention that she does things completely different form how I used to do them. I have no problem that she does them differently but she and the other assistant seem to just assume that I should know how things are done now. I've been out of the loop for 3+ years. Basically I was just going to pick up and do things the way I used to do them in January, but it turns out that's not good enough. I should have been more worried, proactive, I don't know. The long and short of it was the meeting felt very much like attack Corena day and was not enjoyable. The other gal was upset that I gave her a message of something I could have done myself for a client I was unfamiliar with, I said she could have given it back to me and told me I could go ahead and process it. After the meeting she came to me and said that yes she could have but she figured she had it so she might as well process it and make it an issue to address in the meeting. Gee, thanks. It was one of those days I would have quit if I didn't need that job. But I do, so I didn't. And it's probably not worth saying anything, because it's "my" problem not theirs. But there is some positive actions I can take and will do them tomorrow that have nothing to do with hurt feelings or pointing fingers. I'd rather take the positive actions than trying to have people acknowledge... whatever.

The meeting ran 40min past the end of my work day, but since I was 30min late because of the flat tire, that didn't seem like such a big deal. Except that I was planning on doing my grocery shopping after work today and just didn't have time for it then.

My son forgot a book at school so I had to take him back to get it.

Nothing had gone right today so I really was not looking forward to going to AWANA where I am the secretary. Who knew what could go wrong tonight. But the worst that happened was I couldn't find my uniform shirt because it was lost in the laundry somewhere & I didn't get there as early as I would have because I dozed off & the kids weren't watching the time to wake me up. Neither of those things were the end of the world though and the evening went fine.

My husband called before I had left. He "offered" to come home tonight if that's what I wanted. I told him I didn't know how to answer that question because regardless of that answer someone would lose. If he came home his opportunity to get a deer would end and if he stays I have to deal with all these bad feelings myself. As I sit here tears are rolling down my cheeks and I don't know how to feel better about any of it.

I did do most of my before bed routine, I didn't do a 2min hotspot, but I did dishes & shined my sink, I took off my makeup & put my jewelry away & picked out my clothes for tomorrow. I'm not going to beat myself up over that 2min hotspot (or the 15min of decluttering I was supposed to do this afternoon - that can start tomorrow.)

I should go to bed. This day just needs to end. But I have one thing I want to end with. It uses language I usually try to avoid, especially in the written word, but today just seems to call for it. I refrained from texting it to my husband this afternoon, but did end up tweeting it.

Today was the suckiest day that ever sucked.

Good Morning, Bad Day

Okay, not a bad day exactly, but I've had a headache all day that just doesn't want to go away, and yes, I did try taking something . . .

But this morning was good! I got up again! Even a little earlier then yesterday. I even managed to read a chapter in my Bible! Go Me! I don't how much I'm going to blog about. I'm tired, my headache is a little better, but I think I should take advantage of it being so "early" and head to bed.

Man, I want to say more. I want to blog more, I just don't have it in me tonight. I love you. I miss my husband. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Sorry.

Blessing to Everyone! Night.

I got up early this morning!

I got up early this morning! Of course if we hadn't had the time change it would have been the same time I usually get up during the week. But I'm not going to let that steal my thunder. I got up when I didn't "have" to. I could have slept in almost another hour. But I got up, I showered. I even had breakfast (which NEVER happens) and took vitamins (which NEVER happens either!)

I am really excited about this Hello Mornings! Part of me wonders if I can pull it off two mornings in a row. I just have to remember the excitement & enthusiasm I felt last night. I pray my a** off! God will help me.

Today's Flylady Babystep was #8, starting the control journal. Now I already have my routines in my phone that allows me to check them off everyday. But part of me still wants to do the 3 ring binder. So I took the binder I was using for my failed attempt at couponing, & I grabbed some of our computer recycling paper (paper used on one side but clean on the other) and ran it through a three whole punch. I then wrote out my current morning and even routines on two pages. Part of me is embaressed because I could have put more effort in, and part of me is proud because I didn't have to make it all perfect, it can be perfected with time. I'm satisfied.

Now, I am really tired, but I'm supposed to also add a 2min Hot Spot to my evening routine. I want to do it. Even if all I want to do is go to bed. I can do anything for 2min right?! Then I can go to bed so I can get up & shower again in the morning, right?!

Love you and wish you many blessings.

Babysteps... Again...

Okay. I'm doing the babysteps again. I started on the 1st of November, a monday. Last week I did dishes . . . 2 times? Yeah, slow start. I'm not giving up. I've stuck my routines in phone in a way I'm finally satisfied.

The big thing this week is that I have been really beating myself up. My son is struggling in school & all the problems he's struggling with are my own problems. How do I help him, when I haven't been able to help myself for any length of time? I even mentioned it to my husband and, he agreed - that I have the same faults at least. Let me tell you I was under a severe case of the dismals.

And I've been ignoring God. And knowing I was doing it. Just another reason to beat myself up over.

Well that's done. Friday's babystep (#5) was to write down all the negative voices and change them to positive. I'm doing that now (yes, it's Sunday night now, but I'm not going to beat myself up over it!)

I'm hopeless. ---> I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
I'm lazy. ---> I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
I procrastinate all the time. ---> I can do all things through Christ who Strengthens me.
I'm absent minded. ---> Hmmm, the past one doesn't seem to fit... what does? Hmmm. Maybe it's not a crime. God loves me just the way I am.

The big thing is: God loves me. He has always loved me. He will always love me. He will not give up on me, so I should not give up on myself. He does not berate me for falling, and does not want me to berate myself for it either. He is there with me, helping me, ever step of my life.

Tonight I went through my complete before bed routine. I am very proud of myself. Okay, I'm more satisfied with myself then proud, but I think that's okay. I don't need to be "proud", I want to be satisfied, happy, content.

Another thing. I found out about this thing called #hellomornings. It's all about learning to maximize your mornings, getting up earlier & starting your day off on the right foot. I have always wanted to be a morning person. I am very commited to doing this. Which means I need to get to bed. I need to bring this to an end for tonight. Thank you Lord for all you have done & will do for me. You are Great indeed!