Purposefully Happy

Lately I've been in a real funk. I have had trouble feeling positive about anything, let alone myself. I've been tired, frustrated, stressed, discouraged, depressed, and beating myself up on a daily basis.

Enough is enough.

Is this what God intended for me? NO!

I know it, and it's time to remind myself of that - RIGHT NOW.

As of right now I am going to practice being Purposefully Happy. Purposefully - as in fully purposeful.

In the Bible it says "Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice." Phillipians 4:4 ESV

(In a word search of an online ESV bible it found the word "Rejoice" 222. I think that's an interesting number, though I am no numerologist so I wouldn't necessarily say it's significant...)

But I can't help thinking, if I spend more of my time Rejoicing in the Lord, there will be less time left for all those negative feelings, attitudes etc. It's worth a shot right?

So here it is Lord, I present myself joyfully to you and your awesome goodness & greatness. Please help me spend more of my time joyfully in you.
Amen.

Moth3rMN

What now?

I feel like I'm in limbo. Some inbetween place. Not sure what direction I'm headed in. So many things I feel like I should be doing, that I become overwhelmed and end up doing very little. Read a book today. Percy Jackson & the Sea of Monsters. Sat and read the whole thing this afternoon & evening ... which yes, means I didn't get anything else done. I haven't read a book for pleasure in sooo long. I really miss it, but I tend to have no self control when it comes to reading for pleasure, never have. I'll read all night long to finish a book, no matter what I may have going on the next day (like work, yikes!) When I pray, there's very little I can ask for myself. I usually just ask the Lord's will be done, because if it's different from what I want it's got to be better (at the very least in the long term) then I what I want. I know we are welcome to ask anything we want. Does God answer prayers that aren't his 1st choice? Like I'll give her this, but she should really have that... yesterday I fought w/ the demons of Jealously, resentment, martyr, selfishness, self-centeredness. I really hate when that happens. when it happens its usually in regards to my husband, and I end up hurting him more then anything. this blog post is quick and messy. I guess I don't have to worry too much, I doubt anyone will read. It's more for me anyways. I want to live my life wholey for God, but I'm so sinful I don't know if I'll ever be able wholey give myself over to him. Time to stop venting and start pigging out on chocolate chip cookies. Love & peace, blessings upon blessings. Moth3rMN

A New Beginning. Again. And Again. And again, and again, and again…

Thank you God that I can begin again. And again. And yet again! I'm afraid I've used my increased work hours as an excuse to not try the last two months.

I feel very ashamed. An extra 10hrs a week, 8hrs/day instead of my normal 6hrs/day, and I barely coped at home. Everything overwhelmed me. I fell apart. I didn't trust God to help me. That's the bottom line. I made everything rest on me, instead of God. How egotistical!

It's Sunday night & I go back to my 6hr/day schedule on Tuesday. ( only 1 more day of working 8hrs.) & I've recently become afraid that everything will NOT be okay starting Tuesday as I have been counting on the past two months. I think its because I finally accepted that the problem has not been the number of hours/day that I've been working outside the home… the problem has been my rejection of God. Something that has nothing to do with Tuesday.

Now what?

I have to turn my face back to God.

I need to trust him.

I need to focus on him.

Forgive me Lord for I have sinned. Thank you for making me whole again through Christ's death & resurrection. Thank you for your unfailing love & grace. Thank you for accepting me back in your arms everytime I throw a childish fit & try to insist on having my own way. Thank You for helping me learn & grow.

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