What now?

I feel like I'm in limbo. Some inbetween place. Not sure what direction I'm headed in. So many things I feel like I should be doing, that I become overwhelmed and end up doing very little. Read a book today. Percy Jackson & the Sea of Monsters. Sat and read the whole thing this afternoon & evening ... which yes, means I didn't get anything else done. I haven't read a book for pleasure in sooo long. I really miss it, but I tend to have no self control when it comes to reading for pleasure, never have. I'll read all night long to finish a book, no matter what I may have going on the next day (like work, yikes!) When I pray, there's very little I can ask for myself. I usually just ask the Lord's will be done, because if it's different from what I want it's got to be better (at the very least in the long term) then I what I want. I know we are welcome to ask anything we want. Does God answer prayers that aren't his 1st choice? Like I'll give her this, but she should really have that... yesterday I fought w/ the demons of Jealously, resentment, martyr, selfishness, self-centeredness. I really hate when that happens. when it happens its usually in regards to my husband, and I end up hurting him more then anything. this blog post is quick and messy. I guess I don't have to worry too much, I doubt anyone will read. It's more for me anyways. I want to live my life wholey for God, but I'm so sinful I don't know if I'll ever be able wholey give myself over to him. Time to stop venting and start pigging out on chocolate chip cookies. Love & peace, blessings upon blessings. Moth3rMN