Dishes

So I haven't really done much around the house the last two days. Yesterday I still hadn't done the dishes from Tuesday & took the kids to McD's for dinner. Other then that I spent the entire afternoon/evening yesterday hiding in my bedroom, trying to disapear.

Tonight I caught up on dishes while making supper. Spagetti, it was easy & we had all the ingrediants. After dinner I actually got the kids to do some dishes. It seems they didn't finish, I haven't gone to see what wasn't done, but since they will be home alone tomorrow they can finish the dishes (and fold laundry).

They're not going to like that plan, but they'll accept it. Besides, what's they likelyhood that they'll get any of it (let alone all of it) done tomorrow before I get home from work?

One of my goals towards responsible adulthood is to start eating dinner at the table instead of the livingroom. That's where responsible adults eat with their families right? Don't expect this to happen this week (of course, it's already Thursday.) Don't expect it to happen this year, I least not more then a once in a while basis. Be impressed if I make it a whole week in a row.

So yesterday the boss' wife emailed me & said she had noticed that I had started wearing make-up etc, and how nice I looked. Of course yesterday I didn't bother with make-up. Figures. Today I made a point of putting on make-up, yet I knew that the boss' wife never works on Thursdays. I'm not sure if I wish I hadn't started wearing it to work or am glad. I think it's going to become expected sort of, though I don't think they can make it part of the dress code or anything. But I do agree that I look nicer, more put together, with it on - which is quite a feat for me.

I did not shower today or yesterday. Did I shower on Tuesday? I will have to check Tuesday's post to be sure.

Yesterday was my husband's birthday. He had a bad trip because his semi broke on the way back to the shop. He had to pay for the repairs & it was to late to request to have a check waiting for him to re-imburse. He will get the check tonight, & since he won't be back until late tomorrow we won't be able to put the money back in the account until Saturday morning. After he left for work this evening he did call & check to make sure that I had enough money to live on. I thanked him for thinking of me & assured him it won't be problem. I still have plenty of my weekly (grocery) allowance, I have half a tank of gas & don't think anything is needed anyway.

I cleaned the toilet in the main bath today. It gets really groddy because for some reason it is connected to the hot water instead of the cold water. Seems like more stuff "grows" inside it because of it. It had been ignored for a long time, and last weekend when I cleaned the rest of the bathroom I found I did not have anymore toilet bowl cleaner. I picked some up on Monday & this AM I finally got around to doing something about it. So much better! I'm sure my husband appreciates it.

No other progress has been made except that the laundry room, main bathroom & mud room still look decent. The dishes aren't too piled up. There is too much left undone to feel like a responsible adult though. Still hanging out in lazy, self-absorbed, teenager land. Am I making progress? I'll go as far as to say I'm not losing progress. I'm not becoming less responsible . . . if I don't include that AWANA order I'm supposed to place, the RSVP for the party Ginney is invited to on Saturday & the RSVP for the Holloween party Clint is invited to. I don't know what I'm going to do about it. I've got to act soon. I should have placed that AWANA order last week & it's probably too late to RSVP for Ginney's party. Welcome to Lazy, irresponsible teenager hood. I am definately not making progress & probably failing others too.

I gotta go. I love you.
Bye.
MOTH3R

Blog post number two . . . This can't last.

Okay, so I'm writing another blog post. Why? It's 20min to 10:00pm, I'm ready to go to sleep, but don't have to quite yet.

Hmmmm. . . What to blog about? How about an update on my impossible journey to responsible adulthood? Today I kept the laundry room, main bath & mud room up that I worked on between Saturday & yesterday. That's good right? I did not do tonight's dinner dishes. I declutted the kitchen/dinning table while talking to my sister on the phone (she lives in Colorado.) I did not reboot the laundry this evening (I think I did this morning?) I did get up & take a shower this morning (desperately needed) and still got the kids & myself out the door on time.

Progress in some areas and not in others. Tomorrow I may very well fail in the areas I excelled at today and excel in the areas I failed at. Story of my life. I keep trying. Quiting is not an option. I feel so much like I should be able to get it all together at once (& keep it going) but I prove time & time again that I can not.

So where is God in all of this? Do I believe in him? I most certainly do. Have I asked for his help? More then once. Do I believe he can help me? Without question. Does he just not want to help me? Of course not! So what's the deal? The only thing I can figure is it is my fault. Somehow I'm being stubborn & not letting him help me . . . something. I can't blame God, so the only one left to blame is myself. I'm so willful that God's hands are tied, because he won't force me to change, he wants me to let him change me. I thank him & apologize all at the same time.

I keep hoping that someday, someday I will be the person God wants me to be. He is patient with my failures & proud of my successes.

Tomorrow is my husband's 31st Birthday. As he will not be home until the late evening tomorrow I made (one of) his favorite dinners tonight. Pork Chops & stuffing. I was quite impressed, I rarely am satisfied with my efforts at pork chops but tonight they came out really good. They were just seasoned with general seasoning and grilled on a stove top grill that we bought at some sort of trade show. They came out tender and juicy, I didn't even mind eating my share (pork chops are my least favorite of the dishes I make.) I love him and want to make him as happy as he makes me. He doesn't help with housework (unless specifically asked to do something) but never criticises my housekeeping skills and he doesn't expect me to help in the yard at all (except for the occasional snow removal of the driveway - since he's gone for two days at a time it's easier to stay on top of it instead of letting it pile up and wait until he gets there - we once had a terrific fight about it which I can share in a latter post if I feel so inspired.) He's so incredibly supportive, but helps me be independent & strong. He makes enough that allows me to only work part time so that I can be home when the kids get home from school. He's always talking & saving for the "toys" he wants, but almost always ends up spending the money on the kids or myself. He has this scruffy, rough, red-neck exterior but it's like swiss cheese cause you can see his soft fluffy interior all the time (he volunteers in the nursery with me at church many Sunday mornings!) I was very blessed when God led me to him and him to me.

It's after 10pm now, I should start settling in to sleep. I hope everyone has a blessed night and a blessed day. My life is full of blessings I am very grateful for it.

Blessings & Prayers,
MOTH3R

A Blog Post. . . Really?!

I haven't posted a blog in over 2 years. Why am I posting one now? I have no idea except it's been on my mind lately. What is it going to be about . . . Not a clue. I feel like I've been struggling w/ everything lately, unable to over-come my bad habits. I am not a responsible adult. I am a lazy, irresponsible, self-centered teenager at heart. It's nearly 11pm, should have been settled in bed an hour ago. But I slept & sat around all afternoon & evening. I finally got my butt moving to be productive sometime after 9pm. This is very typical for me. I have every intention of being productive before sitting around, but somehow it never happens in that order.

Why can't I be the person I want to be? I want to be a responsible adult. Do work first & play later. Dealing w/ things when they should be dealt with. Set a good example, show patience, care and love to all (especially my children!)

I set my alarm between 5:30 & 6:30 am every morning, but I can't stop myself from pressing snooze until 6:45 every morning. Which means I can't take showers most mornings cause I have to get the kids up so we can all be out of the house by 7:30am. Every night I plan on getting up early enough to shower in the morning, so putting the two together means I do not shower more then a couple of times a week. Most would be horified by that.

I only work 6hrs a day & get home before the kids in the afternoon. I have every intention of cleaning house, catching up on laundry & helping the kids with homework before dinner. What usually happens is I'm tired I sit around all afternoon if not downright fall asleep while my children do their homework. Only rousing myself if they need any help. I make dinner (most nights or is that some nights.) & then I sit around until my children go to bed. Then I sit around for a little while longer, until I realize how late it's getting & I haven't gotten a thing done. Especially bad if it's a night my husband will be coming home from work (he's a trucker & gone every other night.) cause I don't want to see that I did nothing but sit around after only working part time.

I'm lucky I have that little bit of accountability, or who knows how little would get done around here, and before I know it I would be featured on one of those shows like Hoarders or Hoarding: Buried Alive. When it comes to the house, more often then not I am playing catch-up. Some days I like to say I'm making progress, very slowly, but progress - but it's pretty short lived & I'm working from -5 again. I've known & studied Flylady for several years now, but I can't seem to make a single habit or new routine for the life of me. I haven't found the babystep small enough that I can do it on a regular basis so it turns into a routine & a habit.

I'm tired & I don't think I've said one positive thing about myself in this entire rambling post. I have started wearing make-up on a more regular basis since my best friend's wedding a week ago. Which means I've been washing my face on a more regular basis. I gotta go take this clown face off before going to sleep or I'll regret it after my face breaks out more then it usually is.

So I'm signing off, going to try to do a little bit to take care of myself. Everytime I fall I pick myself up again. One day I'll be able to walk on my own. Then the world better watch out!

Love & Blessings.