Okay, so I'm writing another blog post. Why? It's 20min to 10:00pm, I'm ready to go to sleep, but don't have to quite yet.
Hmmmm. . . What to blog about? How about an update on my impossible journey to responsible adulthood? Today I kept the laundry room, main bath & mud room up that I worked on between Saturday & yesterday. That's good right? I did not do tonight's dinner dishes. I declutted the kitchen/dinning table while talking to my sister on the phone (she lives in Colorado.) I did not reboot the laundry this evening (I think I did this morning?) I did get up & take a shower this morning (desperately needed) and still got the kids & myself out the door on time.
Progress in some areas and not in others. Tomorrow I may very well fail in the areas I excelled at today and excel in the areas I failed at. Story of my life. I keep trying. Quiting is not an option. I feel so much like I should be able to get it all together at once (& keep it going) but I prove time & time again that I can not.
So where is God in all of this? Do I believe in him? I most certainly do. Have I asked for his help? More then once. Do I believe he can help me? Without question. Does he just not want to help me? Of course not! So what's the deal? The only thing I can figure is it is my fault. Somehow I'm being stubborn & not letting him help me . . . something. I can't blame God, so the only one left to blame is myself. I'm so willful that God's hands are tied, because he won't force me to change, he wants me to let him change me. I thank him & apologize all at the same time.
I keep hoping that someday, someday I will be the person God wants me to be. He is patient with my failures & proud of my successes.
Tomorrow is my husband's 31st Birthday. As he will not be home until the late evening tomorrow I made (one of) his favorite dinners tonight. Pork Chops & stuffing. I was quite impressed, I rarely am satisfied with my efforts at pork chops but tonight they came out really good. They were just seasoned with general seasoning and grilled on a stove top grill that we bought at some sort of trade show. They came out tender and juicy, I didn't even mind eating my share (pork chops are my least favorite of the dishes I make.) I love him and want to make him as happy as he makes me. He doesn't help with housework (unless specifically asked to do something) but never criticises my housekeeping skills and he doesn't expect me to help in the yard at all (except for the occasional snow removal of the driveway - since he's gone for two days at a time it's easier to stay on top of it instead of letting it pile up and wait until he gets there - we once had a terrific fight about it which I can share in a latter post if I feel so inspired.) He's so incredibly supportive, but helps me be independent & strong. He makes enough that allows me to only work part time so that I can be home when the kids get home from school. He's always talking & saving for the "toys" he wants, but almost always ends up spending the money on the kids or myself. He has this scruffy, rough, red-neck exterior but it's like swiss cheese cause you can see his soft fluffy interior all the time (he volunteers in the nursery with me at church many Sunday mornings!) I was very blessed when God led me to him and him to me.
It's after 10pm now, I should start settling in to sleep. I hope everyone has a blessed night and a blessed day. My life is full of blessings I am very grateful for it.
Blessings & Prayers,
MOTH3R
1 comment:
Thank you for that post! I feel like that many times... I think we just need to focus on what we DID do, not what we haven't done yet!
When you're praying for help with the house (which I do too!!) think about WHY you want to keep your house clean. I try to remember that it's to glorify God by being the wife he wants. I try to do it as a thank you for my blessings. Honestly, I've hit a patch where my prayer life has been failing, and so has my house!!
You're doing incredible... KEEP IT UP!
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