I haven't posted a blog in over 2 years. Why am I posting one now? I have no idea except it's been on my mind lately. What is it going to be about . . . Not a clue. I feel like I've been struggling w/ everything lately, unable to over-come my bad habits. I am not a responsible adult. I am a lazy, irresponsible, self-centered teenager at heart. It's nearly 11pm, should have been settled in bed an hour ago. But I slept & sat around all afternoon & evening. I finally got my butt moving to be productive sometime after 9pm. This is very typical for me. I have every intention of being productive before sitting around, but somehow it never happens in that order.
Why can't I be the person I want to be? I want to be a responsible adult. Do work first & play later. Dealing w/ things when they should be dealt with. Set a good example, show patience, care and love to all (especially my children!)
I set my alarm between 5:30 & 6:30 am every morning, but I can't stop myself from pressing snooze until 6:45 every morning. Which means I can't take showers most mornings cause I have to get the kids up so we can all be out of the house by 7:30am. Every night I plan on getting up early enough to shower in the morning, so putting the two together means I do not shower more then a couple of times a week. Most would be horified by that.
I only work 6hrs a day & get home before the kids in the afternoon. I have every intention of cleaning house, catching up on laundry & helping the kids with homework before dinner. What usually happens is I'm tired I sit around all afternoon if not downright fall asleep while my children do their homework. Only rousing myself if they need any help. I make dinner (most nights or is that some nights.) & then I sit around until my children go to bed. Then I sit around for a little while longer, until I realize how late it's getting & I haven't gotten a thing done. Especially bad if it's a night my husband will be coming home from work (he's a trucker & gone every other night.) cause I don't want to see that I did nothing but sit around after only working part time.
I'm lucky I have that little bit of accountability, or who knows how little would get done around here, and before I know it I would be featured on one of those shows like Hoarders or Hoarding: Buried Alive. When it comes to the house, more often then not I am playing catch-up. Some days I like to say I'm making progress, very slowly, but progress - but it's pretty short lived & I'm working from -5 again. I've known & studied Flylady for several years now, but I can't seem to make a single habit or new routine for the life of me. I haven't found the babystep small enough that I can do it on a regular basis so it turns into a routine & a habit.
I'm tired & I don't think I've said one positive thing about myself in this entire rambling post. I have started wearing make-up on a more regular basis since my best friend's wedding a week ago. Which means I've been washing my face on a more regular basis. I gotta go take this clown face off before going to sleep or I'll regret it after my face breaks out more then it usually is.
So I'm signing off, going to try to do a little bit to take care of myself. Everytime I fall I pick myself up again. One day I'll be able to walk on my own. Then the world better watch out!
Love & Blessings.
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