Purposefully Happy

Lately I've been in a real funk. I have had trouble feeling positive about anything, let alone myself. I've been tired, frustrated, stressed, discouraged, depressed, and beating myself up on a daily basis.

Enough is enough.

Is this what God intended for me? NO!

I know it, and it's time to remind myself of that - RIGHT NOW.

As of right now I am going to practice being Purposefully Happy. Purposefully - as in fully purposeful.

In the Bible it says "Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice." Phillipians 4:4 ESV

(In a word search of an online ESV bible it found the word "Rejoice" 222. I think that's an interesting number, though I am no numerologist so I wouldn't necessarily say it's significant...)

But I can't help thinking, if I spend more of my time Rejoicing in the Lord, there will be less time left for all those negative feelings, attitudes etc. It's worth a shot right?

So here it is Lord, I present myself joyfully to you and your awesome goodness & greatness. Please help me spend more of my time joyfully in you.
Amen.

Moth3rMN

What now?

I feel like I'm in limbo. Some inbetween place. Not sure what direction I'm headed in. So many things I feel like I should be doing, that I become overwhelmed and end up doing very little. Read a book today. Percy Jackson & the Sea of Monsters. Sat and read the whole thing this afternoon & evening ... which yes, means I didn't get anything else done. I haven't read a book for pleasure in sooo long. I really miss it, but I tend to have no self control when it comes to reading for pleasure, never have. I'll read all night long to finish a book, no matter what I may have going on the next day (like work, yikes!) When I pray, there's very little I can ask for myself. I usually just ask the Lord's will be done, because if it's different from what I want it's got to be better (at the very least in the long term) then I what I want. I know we are welcome to ask anything we want. Does God answer prayers that aren't his 1st choice? Like I'll give her this, but she should really have that... yesterday I fought w/ the demons of Jealously, resentment, martyr, selfishness, self-centeredness. I really hate when that happens. when it happens its usually in regards to my husband, and I end up hurting him more then anything. this blog post is quick and messy. I guess I don't have to worry too much, I doubt anyone will read. It's more for me anyways. I want to live my life wholey for God, but I'm so sinful I don't know if I'll ever be able wholey give myself over to him. Time to stop venting and start pigging out on chocolate chip cookies. Love & peace, blessings upon blessings. Moth3rMN

A New Beginning. Again. And Again. And again, and again, and again…

Thank you God that I can begin again. And again. And yet again! I'm afraid I've used my increased work hours as an excuse to not try the last two months.

I feel very ashamed. An extra 10hrs a week, 8hrs/day instead of my normal 6hrs/day, and I barely coped at home. Everything overwhelmed me. I fell apart. I didn't trust God to help me. That's the bottom line. I made everything rest on me, instead of God. How egotistical!

It's Sunday night & I go back to my 6hr/day schedule on Tuesday. ( only 1 more day of working 8hrs.) & I've recently become afraid that everything will NOT be okay starting Tuesday as I have been counting on the past two months. I think its because I finally accepted that the problem has not been the number of hours/day that I've been working outside the home… the problem has been my rejection of God. Something that has nothing to do with Tuesday.

Now what?

I have to turn my face back to God.

I need to trust him.

I need to focus on him.

Forgive me Lord for I have sinned. Thank you for making me whole again through Christ's death & resurrection. Thank you for your unfailing love & grace. Thank you for accepting me back in your arms everytime I throw a childish fit & try to insist on having my own way. Thank You for helping me learn & grow.

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Off the wagon

I "fell off the wagon" as it were on my Morning Routine. This morning I managed to get up at 5am. I got up, and proceeded to do nothing. I sat for 1/2hr doing virtually nothing, saying some prayers & read an email devotional. Now I've turned on my soap and am typing in my blog. Not exactly how I planned my routine. Oh well. At least I got up. I think I'm stuck on the excercise part. I keep avoiding it. So tomorrow, I'm going to try to get up at 5am again, & I'm going to go strait to worship, bible study & prayer. I never had a problem with that part. Even if that is all I get done that is okay. Maybe I can try to excercise in the afternoon 1st thing when I get home? It's worth a try.

Epiphany!

I realized something today. I have hit a road block in making progress with my Flylady routines. I've been trying to not beat myself up over it and give myself time to adjust to where I am it.

That's fine.

What I realized today is, I may not be making progress on my Flylady routines right now, but I am making mad progress on my new Maximize Your Mornings routines.

My new efforts in the morning area are massive. It is major changes in my life. I may not have made much progress in the Flylady changes since I started it, but I have been making major changes to my mornings! I can not expect to make changes in all areas at once. Flylady says Babysteps. And right now my Babysteps are Maximizing my mornings so I can start my days off right with the Lord. It makes much sense and I am okay with it now.

So that is that.

Yesterday thanks to Adam I actually got to bed early (on time). Tonight I have to try do the same. I feel so much when I get an appropriate amount of sleep.

Anyways I love you. I love the Loard. Lord, thank You for the people in my life that test me. It's easy to charitable towards lovely people. But you want me to be charitable to everyone, even my ultra-negative coworker. She teaches me to be patient, forgiving, compassionate and much more.

9pm time to hit the hay are try to get into it.
Night!

Where was I?

I have not made a post since . . . last Thursday? Friday I was enjoying Adam being home (and had an evening meeting for church) and Saturday our internet went out due to a big snow storm. We finally got it back today.

I've really been stuck on babystep #10. 15min declutter. I don't know why it's so hard for me to do. I have paused on moving forward on the babysteps until I can master this. Now don't get me wrong! I'm going to continue to practice what I've been practicing. And I will do the 15min declutter. I'm going to have to try different times of the day or something.

I'm doing better since Wednesday. I'm tried, getting up earlier. Adding Worship & prayer to my morning routine. I want... I want... I don't know what I want. I think I need to go to bed. 5:30am comes very early.

Thank you Lord for your many mercies & the grace you pour out on me everyday. Thank you for the blessings you shower on me and my family. May yours be the glory and honor and praise. Amen

Wallowing In Misery

Today I chose to wallow in misery. The only nice thing I can say about myself is I think I was careful not to take it out on anybody, including my kids, coworkers or husband. I woke up still injured from yesterday between my husband and my coworkers. I did not want to face the day, but face the day I did.

This morning I got up for God, because I surely wanted to stay in bed all day.

I wanted to say mean and spiteful things to my coworkers to let them know exactly how injured I felt by there "comments" yesterday during the office meeting. I almost wanted to tell my husband not to bother to come home since obviously shooting a deer that is not going to happen is more important then being a productive member of this household.

I did not do any of these things. I was pleasant and receptive to my coworkers and when my husband called to say he was coming home I said "Ok".

I cried on the way to work and on the way home, but I did not cry at work which is a blessing. I do not believe I took any of my miserableness out on the kids at all either, something to be thankful for.

I really hate it when other people take their bad mood out on others, so I couldn't really do it myself coud I?

I still don't feel ready to be over it, but I really need to be. There is nothing more to be done about it. I am only torturing myself and will end up hurting people I do not mean to hurt.

I should go to bed. A good night sleep might help. I want to move my clock back a little bit more tonight. I actually read 2-3 chapters in my Bible this morning. I need to get up early enought to include exercise & worship time also. I really am afraid I might have to get up as early as 5am to get all of that done before I need to go to work, but we'll see, adjustments can always be made.

Good night. Blessing on you all. God loves you.